Zombie aPokelypse!


I apologise for the terrible attempt at a pun. I felt quite literally ashamed of myself for thinking of it, but after half an hour of further thought resulting in zero better ideas I decided to just go with it.
First, lets just set the scene. After a day’s exhausting shopping in the Celadon department store you emerge into the fading light of dusk. You are immediately surrounded by other members of your fellow citizenry. On closer inspection, they do in fact appear to be undead monsters intent on hunting you down and eating your face. Time to panic, right? Wrong! With the right team of Pokemon the zombie apocalypse can be reduced from a stomach churning, gory nightmare to a mild annoyance.
From the outset, having Pokemon over human companions has several advantages. Pokemon won’t go berserk with cabin fever and try to kill you; they won’t steal your food and they won’t be an endless burden to you on your quest for survival. Obviously some company is fine, but Pokemon do have their advantages. But what team to have? No legendaries, of course. They may well just decide to leave you to your fate and watch all aloof as you helplessly get torn to pieces by ravenous monsters.

1. Charizard

Obviously Charizard. It’s big, it can fly, and its fire breath can disintegrate zombies en masse with little to no effort. Even when surrounded on all sides you can laugh in the face of danger as your faithful companion reduces zombies in the immediate area to ash. In the unlikely event that there are too many to handle, Charizard is big and strong enough to simply fly you away to a safer location. On cold winter days, lighting a fire will be no problem at all, greatly increasing your changes of survival.

2. Greninja

The Pokedex description for Greninja states that the water shuriken stars that it compresses and throws are powerful enough to split metal in half. Let that sink in for a moment. If it can do that to metal we are talking about some serious damage to zombie flesh. The speed and accuracy of Greninja’s ninja skills means that zombies can be decapitated with murderous force at an incredible rate. And, if by chance one makes it past and heads for you, that tongue it uses as a scarf can stop it lasso style leaving it completely open to a shuriken throw. But defense is not the only consideration. In a zombie apocalypse scenario, provisions are equally important. Fresh water is hard to come by in many areas. Not for you it isn’t. One rain dance whenever the thirst takes you and you’re laughing.

3. Trevenant

Similarly, food can be scarce; enter Trevenant. Not only can this Pokemon create perfect growing condition for crops or natural food sources, but it has the ability to endlessly recreate berries and similar foods in sunny weather. If you’re feeling a bit peckish after your drink of water, a sunny day to create more berries is just what the doctor ordered. Also, look at Trevenant. It’s pretty strong looking, and can easily camouflage itself in a woodland setting, offering interesting ambush opportunities.

4. Steelix

Are your other Pokemon exhausted and in no condition to fight with zombies closing in? No matter, just deploy Steelix. This Pokemon is huge and made out of steel. All it has to do is curl up in a ball and you can sleep safely in the middle surrounded by a wall of impenetrable steel as zombies frantically claw at its body unable to make even a scratch. Once your other Pokemon are rested you’re back in business. And, of course, its pretty huge and could probably just squash most zombies anyway. Win win.

5. Alakazam

I’ve picked Alakazam but really any psychic Pokemon will do. If the TV series is anything to go by, all psychic types can use psychic to physically manipulate objects and move them around. This will make you very safe, and could potentially be very entertaining. If the oddly hilarious blasting of bears off a cliff using your voice in Skyrim is anything to judge by then some psychic based zombie killing shenanigans could provide some light relief in a world gone mad.

6. Pikachu

Well, its cute and even in a zombie apocalypse a sweet pet would be nice. Its electric attacks would be pretty useless in combat though.

So there you have it, a team capable of maximising your chances of survival in a world ravaged by zombies. One thing that has become apparent from thinking about this is that they way Pokemon are described in the games and cards makes them sound dangerous and terrifying. Lets just hope they wouldn’t use a zombie attack as an opportunity to make a break for freedom….

Picture taken from kotaku.com